The Xmen Present: The Three Little Pigs
by Chellerbelle
Summary: The story of The Three Little Pigs, X-men style. Includes cast and narrator commentary. Just for laughs.


**AN: **

I'm hard at work on _Don't Ruin the Upholstery_ #4, but it's not coming together as fast as I'd like. So between that and the fact that _Persephone_ was rather short, here's a bonus fairy tale ;)

Now I know there's a bunch of you chomping at the bit to see _Mulan_ here. I'm also working on that. No ETA at this point in time.

_The Three Little Pigs_ was requested by:

Alierana

* * *

Once upon a time there were three little pigs named Todd, Fred and Lance who decided to move out of home and make lives for themselves.

* * *

"I wish they would," muttered Mystique.

"Hey, I'm not a pig," objected Toad. "If anyone's a pig, it's Fred. He eats like one."

"Oh yeah... well... you _smell_ like one," Fred retorted.

"I do not! I had my monthly bath yesterday," Toad replied.

"It doesn't count if you don't use soap," said Wanda.

"I hate soap."

"We can tell."

* * *

Todd decided to build his house out of straw. Fred built his house out of sticks and Lance built his house out of bricks.

Now it happened that a big bad wolf named Victor found out about the three pigs to move into the neighbourhood. In anticipation of an easy meal, Victor went to the house made of straw and knocked.

"Little pig, little pig," called Victor. "Let me come in."

Todd glanced out the windows and upon seeing the wolf shouted: "Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin!"

* * *

"You wish you had hair on your 'chinny chin chin'," Wanda taunted Toad.

"Well, at least I never need to shave, right?"

* * *

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in," Victor declared.

Victor drew in a deep breath and blew on the house with all his might. The house of straw came falling down.

* * *

"I always suspected you were full of hot air," said Logan with a smirk at Sabretooth.

"Care to repeat that outside?" asked Sabretooth.

"I thought you were trying to get in?"

* * *

Unfortunately for Victor, as soon as the house came falling down, Todd took off towards Fred's place as fast as he could. Not long after he got inside, there was a knock on Fred's door.

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in," said Victor.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin," Fred shouted back.

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in."

* * *

"No, don't blow down my house," said Fred. "I only just got cable installed."

"Well, maybe you should have made it out of something more sturdy than sticks," Lance replied.

* * *

So Victor huffed and he puffed and he blew the house down. Todd and Fred ran as fast as they could to Lance's house of bricks. Not long after they were safely shut in, there was a knock at the door.

"Little pig, little pig, let me come in," said Victor.

"Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin," Lance replied.

"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in."

Victor huffed and he puffed and he huffed and he puffed, but try as hard as he might, he couldn't blow the house down.

* * *

"Hey does this mean Sabretooth is a blowhard?" asked Lance.

The snickering that followed was quickly shut down by Sabretooth's menacing growl.

* * *

Foiled by the excellent workmanship and good materials of Lance's house -

* * *

"There has to be with all those quakes he makes," Toad said. "Hey I'm a poet!"

* * *

- Victor decided to come in through the chimney. However, while Victor was busy climbing up the wall outside, inside the three pigs filled a large pot of water and set it to boil on the fireplace. When Victor climbed down the chimney, he landed in the boiling water.

* * *

"You could say he fell in hot water," said Lance with a grin.

Kitty giggled.

* * *

As soon as Victor fell into the pot, the three little pigs pushed the lid on the top and Victor was boiled alive. Afterwards, as Todd and Fred had to rebuild their houses again, they followed their brother's example and made their out of bricks as well.

* * *

**The end.**

"Hey, who would have thought it was so easy to kill Sabretooth," Toad said.

"Somehow, I don't think it would work in real life," Lance said with a guarded look at Sabretooth.

"We should have done the version where the wolf eats the first two pigs," Sabretooth said with a low level growl.

**Well, I thought about it. But then I decided that I couldn't trust you not to disembowel them for real, Sabes.**

"Heh," Sabretooth said with a smirk. "Smart girl."


End file.
